Something's not right with the new hosts
by RedSoul411
Summary: Haruhi and her friends slowly begin to suspect the intentions on Ouran High's new Host club members, when their antics causing more mayhem than the original hosts could ever have created. Crack-fic. no pairings, rated for one member's FOUL mouth


**Hi there! Just a little crack-fic I've been playing around with for a while. Hope you'll enjoy!**

**A/N: Little to nothing has changed for the Ouran High universe, except it exists in the Naruto world here :P**

Haruhi's day had started relatively similar to the last few months, she was already dressed and headed to the school, making note to the half an hour she would manage to save in order to study. However, upon reaching the gates to Ouran High, she'd discovered a sign stating the Host Club had several new members. Confused as to why her Senpai would employ more members – she felt the club was fairly well rounded.

Deciding to give in to her curiosity, she headed to the music room in hopes to catch one of the club members and see who the new guys were. Opening the door, she heard voices and assumed her friends were within.

"Senpai, I-"

She was tackled by a large figure in black wearing an unusual orange mask revealing only one eye-hole. The figure caught her in a bear hug, squealing in glee.

"He called me _Senpai_! Can I keep him?" The figure screamed gleefully. His overall height and demeanour, as well as his overexcited personality led Haruhi to assume it was Tamaki.

"No, you fucking dolt!" cursed another man in black, with slicked back silver hair and whom was being restrained by several other figures.

"Senpai, please, let go!" She yelled, causing her captor to squeal even louder. Roughly dragging her by her collar over to one of the men, a blonde one, he held her inches from his feminine face.

"Look Senpai, I've my own Kohai! Aren't you proud?" He asked, blushing visibly through his mask – Haruhi questioned exactly how the blood to his cheeks could be seen through that weird mask.

"No!" His 'friend' spat.

The man immediately dropped Haruhi, slipped to the corner, assumed the foetal position, and cursing his own existence.

Looking up, Haruhi saw the forms of eight other figures in black, all huddled together in an embarrassed manner, and only came to her senses when Mitsukuni began to playfully prod the crying man who molested her.

"Ha ha, Tobi is funny!" The baby-faced host giggled, dangling his stuffed rabbit in front of the man, who began to follow it around the room.

"Er…Honey Senpai? What's going on?" Haruhi asked. Upon seeing the group's faces, they didn't look like school kids – one or two were old enough to be her father.

"Aren't they cool? They're exchange students!" Mitsukuni replied.

Haruhi took this opportunity to note the several headbands the group wore – are these guys ninja?

The tall one with ginger hair, and a fetish for piercing turned as Kyoya entered the room, ignoring the sobbing black figure.

"I've completed the forms, Mr…Pein – really, you won't go far here with such an unfortunate name as that." He sighed.

The only woman of the group, a bluenette took this opportunity to reply.

"It's meant to sound intimidating!" She snapped indignantly, expressing a growing unrest amongst these foreign exchange students.

Kyoya looked the man up and down once, pushed his glasses up his nose, and took out a notepad.

"Yes…I can see he's going for the "bad-boy-who-overcompensates-for-a-poor-upbringing" image. Piercings are a bit much though, aren't they?" He asked, jotting a few figures down whilst heading for his computer. It bode well for him to do this, as he missed the hushed comments between the silver-haired man and Pein.

"If you don't fuck him up with those 'piercings' right now, I'll kill you out of pity …" He whispered.

"…It's not like I haven't thought about it…" Pein replied plainly.

"So…er, you guys are from abroad, eh? And you joined the host club right away?" Haruhi asked, hopefully breaking the tense atmosphere.

"Who's asking?" Came the strange blue guy, gripping a heavily bandaged object.

Taking this as a sign of offence from the blue man, Haruhi assumed he felt she was being racist, and proceeded to apologise shamelessly. The group simply stared on.

Noticing the absence of the twins, Haruhi decided now was a good time to leave the room and head to class, hopefully she could talk more freely about the strange new members when she was away from them.

* * *

"I thought they were lost, y'know?" Hikaru declared, leaning over his desk to speak with Haruhi.

His twin took this opportunity to elaborate on the statement.

"Yeah, the way they dressed, I'd have thought they wanted to join the Black Magic club, it'd certainly make Umehito a little more sociable to have some friends…" Kaoru mused.

"But they definitely said they wanted in on the Host Club, I don't even know where they're from. The blue guys freaky, and that one with the silver hair seems like a jerk…" Hiakru continued.

"…though the bluenette is pretty hot, for an older girl…" Kaoru spoke up.

"…and that blonde one, I'm not even sure if he's a guy…" Hiakru pondered. At this Kaoru blushed violently before turning to his brother and sighed.

"B-but brother; do you think he's prettier than me?" He asked dreamily.

Hiakru leapt over Haruhi and placed a gentle hand on his brother's chin, gazing intensely into his eyes.

"No, my brother, he'll never be a pretty and gentle as you…" He responded, amidst the hordes of screaming fan-girls.

"OH MY GOD! THEY ARE SO HOT!" One called.

"OH, OH, HAVE ME!" Another yelled.

"I WANT THEM BOTH!" A third cried.

"What are you two doing! We're not even at the club!" Haruhi yelled, feeling that posing like this in class was a little too much. They both turned and grinned mischievously.

"Kyoya said that we should try and increase numbers outside of the club…" Kaoru began to explain.

"…some girls are a little too shy to step in…" Hiakru continued.

"…and so we're to show them what they're missing."

Haruhi sighed, leave it to their 'king in the shadows' to try and maximise publicity.

* * *

Tamaki raised a teacup to himself. His students had learnt well. Sipping the sweet contents, he noted Kyoya passing.

"You know, I never realised how much of an incredible teacher I am!" He called gleefully, prompting his friend to stop.

"Oh, how did you come to that conclusion?" Kyoya responded, a calculator held up to his face.

"Well, I've single-handedly trained nine new members who are hitting it off big-time, now that we've gotten rid of their smelly, commoner garments!" The king yelled.

Kyoya didn't respond. He didn't feel it was of any signifigane to tell Tamaki that since having only spent ten minutes with the new students, he'd have had little to no influence on them. Glancing over at a nearby table, they saw their new blonde member, Deidara, speaking with several guests.

"Oh, Deidara, you're _so_ artistic and touch with your emotions…" One girl cooed.

Deidara gave a small chuckle, held a hand to his chin, and gazed out into the distance.

_Yeah, fuck you Sasori! I'm the real artist! _He thought, laughing as he did so.

"Yeah, I'd love you to do an art piece for me!" another prompted, causing him to turn and smile sweetly.

"Oh, I could make such a beautiful piece of art out of you!" He sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder, as she melted at his touch – little did she know the heinous and psychotic implications he was making.

Across the way, the silver-haired Hidan had taken this unique opportunity to gather a few new Jashinists.

"Oh he's such a passionate character!" One girl sighed, as she listened to him speak of his religion's history – naively ignoring the gory details he seemed to relish in telling.

Hidan, not truly understanding that the host club was to entertain guests, felt as though he found the perfect place to become a successful preacher to his cult. These girls lined-up endlessly to hear of his enthusiastic and passionate speeches. Indeed, he felt the whole trip to this stupid school was worth it for all the new followers he'd turned.

However, it was short lived, when his Leader decided that he was blowing their cover, and dragged him away.

The girls, rather than plea for him to stay, immediately fell in love with the rough-looking red head.

"OH MY! Look at all his piercings; He's a bad-boy!" One screamed.

"He doesn't play by any rules, he does what he wants!" Another declared.

"Oh, I have to tame him!" A third cried, dashing forwards, but was mysteriously tripped by the blue-haired female student, who indignantly stated 'hands off the merchandise'.

After moving Hidan across the room, the leader Pein slammed him against the wall.

"I've had enough of your insubordination." He sighed, his grip strong enough to lift Hidan from the ground.

"Let go you fucking freak!" Hidan cursed.

"You digest your enemies' blood, before killing them by impaling yourself with a scythe. You're the freak." Pein responded, again emotionless.

The bluenette Konan joined in the conversation.

"I think both of you should tone it down. We don't want the students alerted just yet, not before we send our demands to the parents." She stated. Her voice had enough influence on Pein, that he dropped his subordinate onto the ground. Coughing and catching his breath, Hidan noticed several collapsed young girls surrounding one seating area.

Alerting the other two to the bodies, the three went closer.

Each girl bore a face of total glee; their eyes glazed over, drool pouring out of their mouths, their faces bright red with blood rushing through their cheeks, and indistinct moans of extreme pleasure slipping through their lips.

Pein also noticed the lone man sitting, cross-legged, and sipping tea peacefully.

"Itachi…what have you done here?" He asked. Of all his members, he trusted Itachi to at least keep in line on killing the students.

"Nothing more than what the Host club ordered, give the girls what they want." Itachi replied; eyes closed as he took another sip.

Konan leant over one girl, waving to see if her pupils reacted.

"It's as if their…minds are broken…If you used Tsukuyomi, people this weak would have died, don't you think that's too violent?"She mused.

Itachi felt an explanation would be needed, so he placed down his tea and turned to his comrades.

"The jutsu merely controls the flow of space and time within the victims own mind. At no point did I ever say that the technique _had _to be used for pain alone." He gestured to one of the girls who managed to articulate something.

"That…was…the…best…seventy-two…hours…of…my…life…"she whispered.

The three members turned to him, just him time to see him give a rare smile, albeit smugly.

**Well? I've much more where that came from, but I'll leave it here and see how people take it, don't forget to review!**


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